When Individuals Become a Group

About ECT

Some time ago, during one of my journeys with a large group, a guest comes up to me.
She says: “I don’t like group travel.”
“But with you,” she said, “I would travel again.”
That’s quite a statement and unfortunately I had no time to ask more… but…

Out of twenty guests, I remember her as an independent woman.
She didn’t particularly seek company, sometimes preferred to sit apart, and wasn’t interested in making conversation with everyone.
So I observed her from afar.
And with me, that was perfectly fine.
I sensed that she enjoyed being in her own world, and connected to us in her own way through the shared journey.

She did, however, listen to my insights and talks eagerly.
Sometimes a big smile on her face, laughing at my humor.
By the end of the journey her sitting alone changed into sitting and listening, and even contributing to a conversation every now and then.

Above all, I probably enjoy the effort, his presence and his energy the most. The fact that there is a living person in front of me who is telling me a story with all his being. And he is deeply engaged in presenting different characters and their ways of talking, sitting, walking.

WE ARRIVE AS INDIVIDUALS

One of the things I know after all my years of working in small group travel leading journeys is that people never arrive as a group.
We arrive as individuals.

Some are sociable immediately.
Many others need time (and build trust) before they open up.
Some enjoy conversations already at breakfast.
Others need their first coffee in silence.
And they don’t want to say good morning to everybody before breakfast.
(I am one such individual.)

And then an experiment: we bring all these different people together and ask them to travel together for a week.

It sounds very ambitious

And many times people in a group think that the group developed on its own, because the members are willingly participating.
And of course that is true, but…

How do six or twelve individuals begin contributing to the atmosphere? (And not because they are expected to, but because they really enjoy it)

It happens through me. My work is to give individuals the space to open up as much as they feel comfortable with. And then to follow them there.

But how I do it goes deeper still.

With safety first.
In order to feel safe, my guest needs to know that I know where we are going, what we are doing, and why.
She needs to feel that the practical side of the journey is taken care of, that unexpected situations can be handled, and that the program has been thoughtfully prepared.
This gives her the freedom to enjoy what she came for.

But there is another part of my work that is almost invisible.

I pay attention to a person.
She sincerely matters to me in a meaningful way.
Meaning:
Not everybody needs my attention in the same way.
Sometimes only a few words.
Sometimes the kindest thing I can do is leave her to enjoy her own thoughts in her own way.

I don’t need, or want, everyone to be equally talkative, equally enthusiastic, or equally interested in everything.

And above all- I don't expect everyone to become friends, a tribe, or a family… We are sharing a journey, not entering an interview for a lifelong Sisterhood.

There is, of course, a common program and a responsibility toward all of us, traveling together.
Individuality doesn’t mean that one person can redesign the day for the entire group, nor influence the group with their bad mood.

But within that shared framework, there is room for her to be herself.
I need that in the group in order to be safe for all of us and give the most to every guest.

And I love it that then

… slowly it starts happening…

Ladies start recognizing each other’s little habits.
They discover who shares their sense of humor, who enjoys discussing history, and who would prefer to admire the scene in silence.
And gradually, the effort and the pressure of being together begin to disappear.

When they feel comfortable being themselves, they become more open toward the others.
They begin to contribute because they love to, not because they are expected to.

Humor appears.
Someone becomes curious about something she would never have considered interesting before.
Conversations become more natural.
Sometimes they deepen, other times they stay on the surface and observe beauty together.

A collection of individuals starts behaving like – a group.
And that change comes from within.

I personally think, that is one of the most beautiful surprises of traveling together.

Nobody expects you to lose or put aside yourself just to enjoy our company.
And in the right company, you can find yourself enjoying it more than you expected.

Now I wonder: did you ever have an experience like this in a group tour?
What happened and how did you feel in the moment and that a tour?

⚜️ Our travel is made of moments like these.

I have spent more than two decades on the road, organizing, leading, observing and learning about the world, its cultures and the people I lead. I love writing, and so I started writing my weekly ECT Letters.

You can join the Letters below.

Alja

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